Singles’ Therapy: Is Singleness A Gift or Trial?

My journey has been mentally and emotionally rough. Recently, I broke down from the stress, worry, and doubt about my future. Will I ever get married? If God gave me singleness, why didn’t He take away my desire for marriage? Why did He have to choose me? Why am I struggling so much? This is miserable! How can my depression be good? No matter how hard I tried to cope, I would slide back into depression. The weight of my distress would drain me mentally and emotionally.

I was not always like this. I remember being joyful and loving life. When my smile was my favorite accessory to wear instead of a mask to hide my pain and confusion. I CAN NOT LIVE THE REST OF MY LIFE LIKE THIS! I can not and will not. Something has to change. So, I decided to put action towards finding a solution. I came across a video on YouTube explaining why we should stop calling singleness a gift. Her explanation made sense. She also had biblical receipts! Because I had been struggling so much, I could not just take her word for it. I decided to research and find out for myself. There has been so much peace and clarity that I gained from this study. It has shifted my mindset and allowed me to approach my singleness differently. Here is what I learned.

Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, and cometh down from the Father of lights, with whom is no variableness, neither shadow of turning. James 1:17 KJV

God gives nothing but the best.

In all the verses I read, God’s gifts and blessings were good and pure. There is no hidden cruelness. Matthew 7: 11 says If ye then, being evil, know how to give good gifts unto your children, how much more shall your Father which is in heaven give good things to them that ask him? And Psalm 84:11 says For the LORD God is a sun and shield: The LORD will give grace and glory: No good thing will he withhold from them that walk uprightly. The motives behind God’s gifts are pure and good because He is pure and good.

If singleness is a gift, it is a gift no one wants, making it a bad gift. Singleness can bring you to a place of depression, sadness, despair, and envy. All those things sound like the opposite of God’s character. How can singleness be a gift from God when it doesn’t match His character?

God also allows testing.

While looking up the word trial in my Bible, the phase of the heart by God alone was next to it. Well… singleness is an unmet desire of the heart. Well… singleness is an unmet desire of the heart. And to my knowledge, God has not revealed any sin or external things that would be keeping me single. So far, it fits. Psalm 66:10 says For thou, O God, hast proved us: Thou hast tried us, as silver is tried. And Proverbs 17:3 says The fining pot is for silver, and the furnace for gold: But the LORD trieth the hearts. The trials are meant to test and try our hearts and minds. In the verses above, God compares trials to silver being refined. There will be pain and pressure, but in the end, we will come out better than we went in.

The desire for marriage is the gift, but singleness is the trial.

God created Eve as a gift for Adam after seeing that there wasn’t a helper for him. This is where God instituted marriage by saying Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh (Genesis 2:24). The desire for marriage is a gift from God. Singleness is when that desire is unmet or denied for a time. This becomes a trial. Let’s think of a different scenario but the same concept. A wife who has a desire to have children but is infertile. We would call her infertility a trial, not a gift.

Why is understanding this so important? If we, especially singles, continue to think of singleness as a gift, we will approach God and the rest of our lives passively and doubtfully. This mindset doesn’t allow us to trust and follow God the way we should because we think God is purposely keeping marriage from us. The shift to believing that singleness is a trial allows us to accept where God has us and have hope that the end will come.

Are you having a tough time trusting that God has a plan for you? Do you feel alone? What are your thoughts? Let us talk about it! Leave a comment and let me know what’s on your mind. If you have any suggestions for topics you want me to cover, let me know. I want to hear from y’all!

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God always has you and will never leave you!