Have you ever one day looked up and realized all your friends are married, engaged, or dating and you are the ONLY one single? You start thinking:
“Did I miss something?” “Is there something wrong with me?” “Maybe if I change this…. or…. do my hair that way……”
As the words “Just trust and have faith in God, He will bring you the right person” became the anthem to your life cutting deeper into your loneliness until you became numb to even friendly gesture of hope being given.
If you said YES or AMEN to any of that, then, sis, we should hang out. If we don’t have the right mindset in this season of singleness, it can be the most lonely and depressing time of your life. Here are some tips that are helping me to find enjoyment in my singleness.
We can’t be ashamed of our feelings.
In Genesis 1 & 2, the story of creation is told. Long story short, in six days God created everything we see around us. From the highest mountain peak to the lowest ant hill and everything in between. But, He didn’t just create physical appearance on the earth, He also created its nature. He created the outer beauty and also the inner functions. Now, I said that to say God not only created how we look but, He also created our emotions, personality, and everything else about us. That is called our soul.
Looking at Genesis 2:18-25, God said it isn’t good to be alone. He understands our need of being in relations with others, He created it. Now, most of us who are single are struggling with romantic relationships that seems like they will never come. This can leave us feeling lonely, depressed, anxious, and even jealousy.
Now, let me be clear. I’m not telling you it is okay to live and function from these emotions. But, I am saying it is okay to realize, feel, and release them. Well, how do we do that?
Realize: To know what you are feeling
Feel: To stay in the feeling long enough to understand why you are feeling this way.
Release: To give what you are feeling and the reason why you are feeling that way to the Lord.
We all know that emotions carry energy (if you didn’t, now you do.) Also, find healthy ways to release that physical energy. There are days when I feel so anxious that I just need to go do something, mostly go to the gym or do a workout at home. Then, there are others days when all I can do is cry and pray. We shouldn’t feel like a “bad” Christian or that you are not trusting God because we feel down and lonely about our singleness. It’s okay, God understands. But, He doesn’t want us to just sit in it. He wants us to be able to come to Him and trust him with our feelings.
We have to identity our triggers and set boundaries.
What makes you feel down and lonely? Is it hanging out with certain friends? Listening to certain music? Watching certain movies?
Before you stop reading because you think I’m about going to go on this “all music that is not in the hymn book is bad or Christians should be watching movies” rant, I think what you watch and listen to is between you and God.
Now with that being said, what we allow through our senses (smell, touch, taste, hear, and see) will affect our soul which we know is our emotions, personality, and who we are. If the music we are listening to causes us to be in our feelings, we need to change it. If the movies we watching causes us to become more impatient, we need to change it. If hanging out with our married friends causes us to become jealous, we need to change it. We have to identity our triggers and set clear boundaries if we want to enjoy this time God has gifted us with. (That is another discussion for a different article.)
Also, if our friends and family are trying to play matchmaker and is causing us anxiety, we need to speak up for ourselves. If they truly care about us, they will respect our request.
We should be focusing on improving ourselves , studying the Bible, mastering hobbies, exploring passions, and enjoying our lives.
Pretty much, we should be living our best life. I know, easier said than done. During this season, we should really take advance of growing our relationship with God and learning to love ourselves. This is our time to focus on ourselves, to do what we want to do, learn what we want to learn, and go where we want to go. We can do all of that without having to responsibility of anyone else. We have to ultimate freedom, let’s not waste it.
I know this is not the easiest road, I’m still working on these things as well. One of the reasons why this ministry was created was to help fellow singles get through this season of singleness together. I hope this was a help to you.
Are you having a tough time trusting that God has a plan for you? Do you feel alone? What are your thoughts? Let us talk about it! Leave a comment and let me know what’s on your mind. If you have any suggestions for topics you want me cover, let me know. I want to hear from y’all!
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God always has you and will never leave you!
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